'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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