It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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