i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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