She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was like eating out sand paper
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize