I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
