so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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