also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
