He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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