So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
