On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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