I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
