No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
