I got chris browned last night
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
