I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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