Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
