this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
