I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
