capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
