College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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