Three words: puerto rican gang bang
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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