cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
