After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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