I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
