waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
