I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize