I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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