Just fell off a train. Bad.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
