i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
