Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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