Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
