i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
