Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
