just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
