Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
