i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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