Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
