The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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