Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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