A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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