Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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