Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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