Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
