Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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