she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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