some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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