1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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