why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
