This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
