Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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