I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
