I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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