i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
