Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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