I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
