Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
