so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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