ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize