Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
