Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
