Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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