If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
