5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
