you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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