i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
