My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
