If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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