I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize