Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What changed your mind?
Being sober
whose ass print is on the piano?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
