If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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