I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
