do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
