remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
