My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
