so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
