Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
