You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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