genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
