You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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