Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
