i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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