if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
